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Saturday, April 11, 2009

Jump up and down screaming...

So we've been together for 5 years. It's been rocky at times, but I truly think things have just looked up.

I've been with my share of assholes, and am still in therapy for those (another blog, I promise!). One night I went out to try to convince a girl friend of mine that the guy she was with was WASTING her time. So I tracked her down, with another girl friend at a dive bar, she was this this guy... wow he was cute. V-shaped back. Really sweet. And did I say cute? But I was there on a mission, I did not have time for this sort of thing. I was there to take care of my friend, MAYBE pass on my number, then head home -- praying he'd end up calling me, even after one (maybe two) foot-in-mouth moments -- "Do you have any kids?" (spits beer out and laughs, "hahaha no I wasn't stupid enough to get pregnant before I turned 30 thanks!") <-- by the way I did not know at this point he had two kids.. So we went out a couple of times... correction, he invited me over to make dinner. With nothing to do, he pulls out a book for himself and an ARCHIE (yes the comic book) for me... wow, endearing! *note sarcasm* Date number two? Shark Tale in theaters, then drinks...though I seem to think that we also went out with some friends to a local bar for drinks and dancing..I cannot remember if it was date number two or three... but I do recall asking him to dance, and he seemed shocked (still no idea why..??), and it was a BLUE RODEO song "try" playing...

Before I go on, I am NOT a cheap date...

... He did NOT want a relationship. He would tell me this over and over.. I would leave and get a call (or call him, brain is foggy at this point), and bring him food, then spend the night (again) to the point, I HAD to hide clothes at his place so that I wasn't running around in the same clothes for days on end!

..FINALLY asks me to move in, after me being there for too long anyhow, I move in.

About our third year in, comes to his lets just say he had a little too much to drink, 6 weeks later I have realized I have gotten to work and home COMPLETELY carsick and nauseous every morning and cannot stand the smell of certain foods.. oh shit, gotta sneak to the pharmacy! Took the test at work, put it in my pocket thinking "ya right, I'll throw it out later" pull it out to laugh at my (what I thought was pointless) test, then saw the two lines on it. Let's just say I walked around that parking lot about 20 times and I'm pretty sure I smoked a pack of cigarettes with a co-worker..came in, found my boss and told her the situation. Got home, called his sister (the first family member to know), then had to work up the courage to tell him... I PANICKED! He thought it was a joke. Was NOT happy about it at all. Spent most of it hating the fact I was pregnant and not allowed to enjoy the milestones.

*I think that's why to this day I say I'll never get pregnant again -- because I HATED how I felt about myself and how people made ME feel about it.*

Anywho, about 2 months later, we found out I was being laid off. Well, not just me, my whole department. By the time I was to be laid off, I was too pregnant to be hired by anyone, so I took sick leave for the rest of my pregnancy. And you know what? When I finally gave birth to Gabriel, I didn't want to hold him. I still do not know why. Maybe it was postpartum and not being on my meds since I found out I was pregnant.. but I wouldn't change my decision to have him, ever. (My family's health issues -- another blog -- and the risks involved as far as my health goes while I was pregnant.)