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Saturday, January 1, 2011

New year new...me?

Well the start of another year has begun..quietly. Much different than last night when ds is acting like a brat, dh is furious with him and im tired of this behavior. Spent last evening balling, not very hungry, bored and really not in the mood to "ring" it in. Was in bed by 10pm.

Havent had much of a mood lately to deal with stuff..between exhaustion from the new-ish job (started in July), and ds's moods, then being off my meds for so long: being a parent who is clinically depressed/manic depressive/bipolar is a lot to deal with. Finally got back on my meds a couple of weeks ago. Emotionally feeling better, but not happy with someone that I thought would be in my life moreso.

I had a friend about 20 yrs ago who I lost touch with. Through the magic of facebook and twitter I found him again. There were plenty of shocks on my end when I found out he came out of the closet 10 yrs ago..then "meeting" his significant other online. I thought we were having a grand ol time. We had plans to meet one weekend, but timing was off..then we were to meet up over Xmas and yet another excuse -- I personally heard through the grapevine no less that his bf and he had issues with me because they were biased against the bipolar. That I was "unbalanced". I am so extremely offended, yet held my own when I decided against sending a nasty "happy new yrs you selfish uncaring prick! hope if you ever suffer from anything that someone treats you the same way!"... See I'm still mad, and hurt. Extremely hurt infact.

Otherwise this yr has been a poignant one. Losing my maternal grandmother in October..now my paternal grandmother is in a home in town, suffering from both stage 3 or 4 dementia and alzheimers. Her place is on lockdown at the moment so only immediately family (my mom and dad, uncle and aunt) can see her. She'll be 89 this month. With the history of death in my family and her having pneumonia, everyone seems to always pass away days before anothers bday..so lets just say, with my birthday sheer days away, I am holding my breath...