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Friday, February 12, 2010

I know, i know its been a while...

Between our house catching H1N1 in November (dh is convinced it was from the annoying "tenants" we took in that brought it to us), then annoyances at work, it certainly has been one big rollercoaster of emotions!

It's funny you know, tonight is the "REALLY big deal (to me)" get together with The Yummy Mummy Club, and I get to meet (I know most will think "whooopeeeeeee!") Erica Ehm! I'm not trying to age her when I can say that I grew up watching her on Muchmusic, and it was an interview in the last little while, and a girlfriend of mine who blogs for her "The B Sides" (Connie and I have known each other since college) that got me into blogging myself! Then came twitter...

You know what's funny? After all these years, I still feel like the one girl off in a corner, who's really nice and all but JUST NOT PART OF THE COOL CROWD...call me crazy I know. In highschool I didnt have a lot of friends, maybe one or two, but I SO wanted to be part of a "clique", part of the "Oh of COURSE I know Jen, shes the one that..." rather than what I got ("Jen? Jen who? ...oh right right... Jen Buttler, right? redhead?") Wow, known for my haircolor, not something I did to inspire anyone..

So tonight, we have our "ice breaker" in the room (the wine sampling), we got our nerves (my stomach trying to think of something clever to say rather than grovelling at her feet looking like a fool), my "Anchor" (bringing a girlfriend for her to have a once-in-a-lifetime experience with people we don't know), and ....and what?

All these women that will be there this weekend, I feel inferior to. I'm 33 years old and feel like an outsider. I attempt conversations through twitter and I feel like I have nothing to contribute some times. I watch them have conversations with each other as though they've known each other for years, I see who they meet and what they do, and I'm just a cashier trying to find her way in life. At 33.

I feel like I'm on a long list of "oh right right there are 'no names' out there blogging too , and when I get to hers I'll try to remember to read it.." versus "OMG Have you read Jen's blog today/this week!?!"

So this is me trying to make myself feel less inferior:

My name is Jen, I'm 33 years old, I have had a "spouse" for the last 5 1/2 years, we have a 2 1/2 year old GENIOUS, and I'm just a cashier.

I know, I'm boring, but if you give me the chance I've always wanted, I know I can make you laugh, have a GREAT ear to listen, and be a great part of your "clique".. and I'd KILL to be a REAL blogger mentioned on the main page. Afterall, my angle? I'm a first time mom who goes through shit with dh's ex shoving herself into our life, I know what I enjoy in life, and I'm pretty honest and brutal when need to be.

Just call me a ChummyMummy!